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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Obstinate feline...

 She moved and danced. To feel the edge of her hips and the ripples of the belly as they swayed in trance. She took a few steps back and lunged 3 forward because she felt a sense of suffocation in the 1 square tile she initiated this trance. No one was watching or so she thought. But then again she wanted her emotions to be on display. Have someone watch her secretly. Cup her face into his hands large enough to fit in and feel like you could sleep there. Have him breathe ever so gently down her neck almost like letting her know that he was right there but not quite locking her in an unbreakable embrace. Now she was confused. Her mood swayed from wanting the unbreakable embrace to wanting to be free as and when she wanted.

This was the boy the man she wanted. She prayed and swayed and swished her way through for. Now he was here and she second guessed her thoughts. She ran. She was the commitment phobic disease that was spreading to him and not the other way around. She wanted him to make a mistake; make her feel like she could step over him and it was ok to do so. But he was indeed perfect. He was flawed and he was perfect that way. He was a rogue ruffian who had taken to her in the most delicate manner possible and treated her like a rare glass prism with colors and magic streaming through. One slight err and she would crash and break and he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. That’s what he projected and that’s what he possibly thought of her. She would’ve liked to believe that given the soft kisses and delicate moments. But she impersonated herself as the feline warrior. Walked like she owned it all and that the world was at her feet or should reconsider their stand if they weren’t at her feet. She had the power to have it all and have most of it she did.

She ran. She always ran. Physically, emotionally and hypothetically. She loved the chase and the run. The pulsating beat against the sound of the asphalt under her feet. She ran because that’s where her emotions were on 100% display. She could run through a good cry and behave like nothing happened. She ran most from the ones she loved. She thought she was avoiding being hurt or influenced by them. She didn’t know she was running from herself being whatever they fell in love with. Her running was her excitement, her victory dance and her exaltation that she was loved back by the one she loved. Oh no! its confirmed and its right there in her palm. Now what!!!

Would her love fail her? Would her love make her feel like there was better to love or that she deserved better to love? She was exhausted. She couldn’t save her best for last. After all when does one really know the last is the best. What is the ‘best last’? she started hurting the ones she loved. She fought and picked and nitty-grittied it. She decided distance was far safer than being close enough and making eye contact. She thought it easier to break away from than make a way to paradise. She tried seeing the sense that was being seen by others but it was blind to her. she just couldn’t sketch the outline of what was forward. She could only sketch what she hoped would be forward.

He loved her. He showed her he loved her but didn’t know if she loved him back. He didn’t give up and that irked her. But again if he did give up, he would strengthen her belief that he eventually did. She was a wild one waiting for the right owner to tame her, grace her and sway her. Waiting for the right hand on her firmly holding her down despite the large glassy stare but softening as she knew it was for her best and then rewarding her with some love as she purred back. That kiss so gentle passionate and firmly gripped. Warm flush and glow; forgetting where her body ended and his started.

She still waits and sways and runs and prays. She still walks and talks like she knows the what nots. She is difficult and fire but love is quite plainly her only desire!!