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Monday, September 19, 2011

Cuppa Hiatus for the Feline Soul

Well given how much I hoot about Capoeira and it being my life's calling, I just though it’s appropriate my 1st post should be about... well... CAPOEIRA! But this one is more about the full stop in my Capoeira phase. Mind you it’s just a temporary full-stop.... :)

Right now I am on a hiatus. More like a forced vacation from everything I love and that includes walking normally. I dislike the feeling of being left behind or being scanned from head to toe and reverse like the 'Predator' does with his infrared vision. I am certainly not enjoying the pain, stiffness and discomfort. There is a lot I do not like about my current situation but above all the fact that I have to make peace with it and accept it. I may have sped through life and a lot of its elements but my meager little knee showed me what it really means to slow down and take a break and that by no means was 'it' in a hurry.

I joke and say that this is God's big full stop in a sentence of my life - a long sentence I say. Was it necessary? I think 'Yes'. Let me rewind back to 5 years ago 2006. I had a breakup which did not even deserve an amicable goodbye. I plunged head on into anything and everything that caught my interest without a second thought about the long-term or short term future of it. I enjoyed it. I was active and lazy; I abandoned many of my mini projects and others I struggled through them. But the common factor was I had my fingers in every conceivable cookie jar. I wasn't overwhelmed by the sweetness of all my experiences nor was I put off by my failures. You could say I even gloated on having tried and turned many things. Everyone who knew/knows me is aware of my glass always full with too much. Way too much to handle for one person. I do manage them but not as effectively as it looks in my mind's eye.

Mom always said, 'Slow down beta. What’s the rush? Is it necessary to do this and this and this?” All I knew is if I stopped I would have to face an inevitable n familiar frenemy - my mind and my thoughts. The phrase 'An idle mind is the Devil's workshop' holds true for me to the 'P'. And that's what frightened me when I knew I would have to have surgery and a long hiatus. I pompously imagined getting myself sliced and diced in a few hours, recovered with stitches removed in about a fortnight and back to class thereafter. The surgery, the pain, the tears, the impatience, the month long bed rest, the accompanying hiccups and follies, and the harsh reality that the new graft in my knee would take minimum 6 months to heal - ALL PUT ME IN MY PLACE. I revisit the fact that was the full stop necessary. After all of this I still say 'Yes'. I wasn't running to and from everything and every place (it’s another thing that I CAN'T run) and I was spending extra time everywhere. I was home a lot and that made my dad smile (rolling eyes). I spent more time with music and instruments and got moderately good at it. I wasn't tired right from sunrise to sunset and i reevaluated and rearranged a lot around me.

The best was when people complemented me that I looked well rested and calm and the worst was when they put it oh-so-cutely "You look well-fed" which translates in every language to you are now Oval in shape. That one's manageable if I am determined to be fit. But helplessness accompanies me to my weekend plans - Baiganwadi and Vatsalya where I can't do much physically so to speak. I miss the physical euphoria and exhaustion of running with and after the kids.

All thats about to change soon (hopefully and ME willing). It was a worthwhile break which I wouldn't intend repeating nor wish upon anyone else. Also mentionable here that few people were there always to kick my ass when I needed it most and hold my hand (literally) when I wished for but didn't speak up (tr00t, bagha, sukhwa, boochie, tani, moog, pop, khadusambi, tuborg etc..)