I do

Such powerful words, I do.

It’s a declaration, a promise, a solemnity, a commitment, a secret, a decision, a communication, a signature, a word (or 2)… Just 2 fragile yet very powerful words change your life. For the best or for something new and beautiful to start and experience; at your own discretion and your own judgement.

I was blessed to attend 3 weddings in 2 months (would’ve been 5 if not for a folly). Usually a recluse from such events, I decided to stop avoiding them and go to celebrate my friends and their newfound love path. I attended my 1^st north Indian (UP) style wedding, my 1^st Goan AND Catholic ceremony and then a South Indian Shetty wedding. All were beautiful, very different and I was glad I made the trip to them all. First was an impromptu drop and must-visit to a UP style wedding. It was a dear friend’s sister’s nuptials. Very grand and in true north style spared no expense and glory in celebrating it. Well… at least someone was celebrating the girl child and her heart's desires. I wasn’t able to stay long but the friend ensured I didn’t miss a glimpse of the bride and her husband as they walked from the dressing room to the grand display that awaited them. Then came the Goan catholic wedding for a friend (no longer just so-n-so’s brother). We shared a special unlikely friendship and I decided to take the odd hour flights and do the dance and song solo. It was worth it except I missed my man a lot. The whole ceremony and celebration was traditional yet with a modern kick to it. I enjoyed every bit of it. The last 1 was another very dear friend whom I have managed to keep in touch with over 4yrs since I met him in Capoeira class. Ours was and remains and unlikely friendship that has an annual meeting or 2 (if he flies down) and we share all our updates over 1 meal. This time he dropped the bomb that he was getting married. A mirror image in life and thinking to my Abeer; this guy was extremely stand up and a thorough gentleman. I was happy for him and incidentally managed to make it to his wedding and reception.

The 1s I missed and really wished to have attended in person were my friends (1 former boss) Reny and Vanessa. The latter’s was a plan that went kaput and I am still seething with rage over the 1s responsible. Anyways… The common thread that tied all of these was unlike the general image of Indian weddings: loud and coerced. All my friends married their sweethearts of their choices (nothing arranged). All had traditional weddings keeping their communities and rituals in mind but nothing was over the top. If anything, they were grand in their celebration of the couple rather than the money spent on everything. I love that. Where the couple is and remains in focus for good reason. At the church, I expected a long sermon of extracts of the bible. What I witnessed was a priest who knew the couple as young babies and now grown graceful adults, who knew their inherent natures and who pointed this out aptly at the ceremony. This was refreshingly beautiful and I listened intently to how a tailor made ceremony for the duo was conducted. At the Shetty wedding, the ceremony lasted for but an hour and it was full of humor and smiles. The groom’s parents took a backseat while his older married sister and her husband aided the ceremony and ensured all went well. And even though I did not attend Reny and Vanessa’s weddings, from the pictures and the people I know I can closely imagine their nuptials and the what it must have meant to them and their families.

These restore my faith in the institution itself. I never shied away from it even though my parent’s didn't set an ideal example. But then again they did separate and find peace for themselves – a painful decision they made. There are marriages where a couple may live till death did them apart but as a relief – sad. My personal thoughts have been more to build a life with someone, make it complete, a home, maybe pets, maybe children. The pets and children are HUGE life churners and it’s something I would do only in partnership with my better half and not alone. Hence, the ‘maybes’. But I never lost hope in the institution of marriage. It’s but a ceremony to celebrate and solemnize your love. I think of it as very unique and individualistic. One is free to make a marriage of their own barred by society standards (unless you are a slave to societal standards).  The truth is on the surface everyone pretends to live by the ‘blind’ rules. If you peek inside there are secrets to families and wedded bliss that you weren't aware of.

This I cannot share with my cynical beau. He is convinced that the way to a good life is a bachelor’s life. Which is neither wrong nor right. But just like media and society flame stories of the evil mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law, boss vs. reportees there are the equally gregarious gags and quips on the husband-wife relationship. Where the husband is the emotional fool who fell into a trap that expires at the end of his natural life. I laugh too. But I also find it ridiculous when a wife is the poster-child for ‘entrapment’. Any life decision is purely your own or with the 1s you love. If you suffer, you suffer together, if you’re happy… well the general outcome is happiness together. Even though my witty half periodically announces his allergy to this phase of life, I turn away for not wanting to be influenced by it. I am not a cynic in love and enjoy a comfortable hopeless romantic tag. Just last month I went about planning a 1yr anniversary like it was 25yrs together. I knew it was over the top but in mind it was what I wanted to share with Abeer and there was no rule defining what was too much or too less. I know that for the rest of my life I will celebrate love with grandeur and gratitude because it’s the 1 thing we take for granted in its presence and then pine for it in its absence. This worries some of my friends who think I will burn badly (irreparably) if things were to fall kaput. I think that if I am with a man whose lack of belief in the institution of marriage hasn't phased me then surely I am in love enough to have faith that what lies ahead will also be good. I really wonder how I would celebrate 25yrs of togetherness. Hmmm!

Recently Abeer and I ‘lived’ together for 2 months. It gave me a whole new perspective to living with him. We did stay like it was make shift for 2 mnths and there were days where admittedly I wanted to bash him up or I felt hurt badly. There were some serious ups and downs, yet most days made me realize that on a bigger scale he was the 1 for me and I pined for him to walk in through the main door and go to bed at night with me… and yes the furball Elsa. I loved it. I’m addicted to it and now I ‘pine for it’. Here’s congratulations to all my friends who found and celebrated their love with a ceremonial union, to those looking – it’s out there… and to my cynical oh-so-funny beau Abeer… I love you more each day and that puzzles me <3

Not-so-Stationary celebrations

Onamshamsakal and Happy Ganesh Chaturthi to all my friends. The festive half of the year has begun and brings with it joys, thanksgiving, new beginnings, luck and blessings. I wish this to all my friends and families (everywhere and every kind). 

I was supposed to spend a month bedridden with limited and prescribed movement/s by my orthopedic surgeon. Instead his overall treatment of my injury pre-and post-op was anything but the nightmare I experienced with my right leg. Guess that’s what differentiates old school from new specialization. I was asked repeatedly at all times not to stress the leg, not to let it bear too much weight and not to go too far too long on it. I did the BANG opposite of it all. In truth, my spirit was on a high after the miserable slump it had sunk into and I was not gonna let a few bones and plates held together by bionic and titanium screws ruin lil sparks of hope and smiles I had.

I decided I could sleep, slouch and be as useless as ever or I could do something productive with my mind and time. I did both. You see the sleeping, eating, slouching was as important a part of my mental recovery as it was for my physical rest and repair. I enjoyed the art of sleeping as and when my eyelids drooped to waking up when I wished to and not when I panicked and imagined an alarm go off somewhere or 1 really going off somewhere. Complete sleep – a concept and activity that had become alien to me. I also had to battle post-op stationary depression (special medical term coined for me and by me). Staring at a wall or doing absolutely nothing physical turned my mind into the darkness of hell. The medications added to the cauldron of hormones that was already churning within and I imagined myself breaking bangles in full makeup and garb like some scorned Indian soap star.

But…. here is the beauty of the unexpected. Adventures of the broken leg:

• I got to do Lalbaug darshan dragging my wobbly feet but it was worth it and as luck would have it... no waiting! In the interim I stuffed my face with a crab masala thali at Mast Malwani and some modaks followed.
• Culinary delights graced my recovery period and so did a lot of inner-city travel. New and renewed experiences with promise for more. Beef chilli,  crab, duck, chicken, prawn, fish, eggs all graced my plate. In retrospect, it’s not good for the balance of the food chain that I remain hungry. I ate without care and my waistline remained stoic and disciplined.
• I resumed work on 16 Sep after exactly 1 month of hiatus from the corporate tower and surroundings (feel like a working class mango person again). Can’t complain when the bank intimation flashes what’s left of the salary after the economic meltdown.
• Leetal Besouros (a project at Mahalaxmi) are busy at parkour with our Intl guests with whom I had planned back and forth for a year. Kids are doing great and learning in a single file or whatever formation expected of them from Cordelia and Jake – I only wish that they maintain the same discipline and delight when I return. However my guilt for not being around has been replaced with the victory of giving them the free program of new skills #Hurray
• Our Familia de Ouro girl student had an outdoor shoot experience for Save the Children global campaign (truly proud and happy). An accidental conversation with the school buddy landed this short Ad-film: concept of race for survival against genocide and other issues. A fraction of the campaign involves a well-trained and versatile Sonali (Cabaca) from our project who confidently works the camera in 2.5hrs flat. The fact that a GIRL child was doing this pleased and motivated me no end to push for this. Even if it meant midnight coaxing sessions and all day permission-driven emails and calls to get Sonali to come. In the end it was worth it and we (Tulsi and I) filled in the holes to make her feel like a complete star.
• Accidentally met so many friends old and new (Nostalgia): The rakhi brother who thought it appropriate to ask “So… when are you getting married?” bang outside Dadar stn; the school friend cum producer who gave 1 of my girl students a star moment; Simin who finally made the Mumbai trip albeit not in the setting I would have preferred; Marinha who I haven’t met or conversed since OBR; Adi and family after yet another 1 of his epic moments that involved an ER round; Capoeira pals whom I rarely meet (Bombom, Piolho, Gecko, Nisha, Spanty and more)
• PEApod had a meeting in my house and has found 2 new projects to work on before the year end (watch FB page for more). Something finally grabbed my attention.
• Got to hit Shiro’s dance floor after what seemed like eons. And with ladies who were not afraid to dance and be snazzy, cheeky and what not. A night out in high spirits but responsibly conducted is what I needed…. CRAVED for a long time.Missed the mister though.Also, even though I did attempt dress-ups in this phase, nothing did justice like a good ol’ LBD and black shoes stolen from a friend (donated… I meant donated).
• Elsa my darling furry feline delight has turned my house, room and my life topsy turvy. But everyday I’m glad I got him. <3 He did indeed save me and made me human and compassionate again. The boyfriend upon return thought the world of my new calm demeanor. It had some to do with Elsa’s presence but more to do with personal thoughts and choices.
• Finally attended drum circle as an active but amateur participant. Although at the venue I behaved like a veteran with 30 fingers. The freedom of expression with art is 1 that cannot be described or persuaded. And yet again played alongside an unlikely pal – Vivek Soni (party planner to Abeer & Co.)
• Visited the Jehangir art gallery after what seemed like a jump from childhood to adulthood. Remember I last came with friends nearly 10yrs ago. Had it not been for a friend’s invite for an exhibit to honor her late father’s work, I doubt this would be on the menu.
• My obsession with instagram and other online applications. Admit I may’ve gone a tad bit overboard but who’s monitoring anyways. The boyfriend seems to be the single pass gatekeeper to all comments sarcastic and remotely nice.

Some more memories but I can't pen them down [privacy clauses ;)] Meanwhile looking forward to some major changes (unemployment), Navratri (1 legged dandiya), Durga puja (pandal hopping), Diwali (to turn firecracker noise pollution contributor) and Dec (aahh Goa, sun, sand, weddings, love and a lil friend).

I imagined greys and tones of black stained with a bit of color to rule my month. What I really got was an entire color pallet and hues I never imagined mixing and marrying ever before… I thank primarily my love Abeer for that.