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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Thy broken knee wont break the feline spirit!!

“Respect and treat your body well now... for it will teach you much harsher lessons later when you least expect it... the foremost being PATIENCE and ENDURANCE!”

It’s been nothing less of a struggle. Each class or each day I realize what I really did to my body. While talking to a friend the other day it dawned on me that not a day has gone by that I have sat down on the side to just calm down. The only times in my life so far that I do recall doing absolutely nothing at all were when I was ill. Let me tell you my definition of ill – flu, cough, cold and the likes is the pansy version of ‘ill’. My kind of illness always had me out of action in the severest form; even kissing death and having myself resuscitated back to life. As much as I was out to prove that I can be just as good as the boys, if not better, I wasn’t keeping tab of the times I subjected my temple (my body) to extreme wear and tear.

Present day capoeira class is a far different cry from what it was a few months ago or even a year ago:
  • I was never sitting down or chatting with anyone in classrooms to take a break. Now I need to take a break or else it will break me either physically or emotionally.
  • I was always at the front of the class – a habit my mum instilled in me. “Stay in the front and you will be able to see and hear better. You will be forced to concentrate because the ones behind you will follow you whether you are right or wrong.” Now I am at the back as I do not want to pose as a hindrance to anyone in terms of sight, space or capability.
  • I was fast, not so sloppy and able to keep up with the pace come what may. Now I am slow, yet picking up each time I am letting off. All my moves look retarded and then there are points in the workout or class that I realize I can’t even ‘bloody’ try cuz its not recommended.
  • I tried everything. Just so I could do it better and also that I could push myself and test the limits of what the human body can go through. My teacher’s voice keeps ringing in my head always about the delicate nature of Indian girls and how you cannot push them hard (I don’t blame him for I see it everyday). I wasn't one of them.
  • And even in all of that chaos in class, the noise and activities I find myself slipping, momentarily maybe for a fraction, into a “what the @##$%&” situation. I look at someone else doing it all wrong and fight the urge to go do it myself and show how it’s done. But I simply can’t. I see someone else do it effortlessly and I find myself going into envy stage.  

My friends, family, peers have all been very patient and accommodating of my injury and the aftermath. People have slowed down for me, waited for me and encouraged me. I was afraid of slipping into the oblivion of their memories but that did not happen and I thank god for that. But every once in a while a few good words don’t do much. I still struggle and have to be patient because it is a need and not an option. I also now have to argue my way through those who blame capoeira for my recent stint. I assure them that its normal for active people to go through some form of injury and that does not amount to giving it up. One will then just live in fear the rest of their lives. I ignore the ones that do not 'get it' and move on because I have a lot left to accomplish and learn. I do like that I have learnt much in this time out such as music and developed other skills. I don’t think I would have dedicated this phase to them all because I was too busy huffing and puffing through life and complaining when the huff-puff got to me. 

The Batizado which is my main focus now is not the end of the world or some championship title. But I run into anxiety thinking I will be the only entity there who is not 100%. I am pushing myself to get there but even I have the common sense to know that medical science won’t allow me to abuse my body anymore. There will be many Batizados and many Capoeirandos and many beautiful people. 

A great memory from CDO India Batizado 2010. My favorite people in a single frame <3
Patience and endurance…. Patience and endurance… patience and endurance…. AXÉ TOTAL!